my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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