....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
