It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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