do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
