Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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