I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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