uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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