if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
