You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
