I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
