NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
