There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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