I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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