he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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