this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
