boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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