Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
