youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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