doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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