her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
