This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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