never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I will pee on everything he values.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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