i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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