At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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