walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
