I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
