Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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