My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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