omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
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I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
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For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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