it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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