Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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