she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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