i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
