a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
