I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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