I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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