I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
a search helicopter?!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
