im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
