you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
