i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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