i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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