I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
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I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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