you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
