My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
