we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
