official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
