Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize