and i looked up. we had an audience...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
