ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
