so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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