im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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