I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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