he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
