did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
